January 27
For some reason lately, I have been
thinking about time--partly because of my ticking biological clock, the thought
of my mom's retirement coming up this year, my not having a full time job,
things like that. Somehow it reminded me of a novel I read called the Thief of
Time by Terry Pratchett. This author was recommended to me by a good friend,
who told me that Pratchett's stories are comical and entertaining. I not only
found this book to be funny but that there was also a philosophical
underpinning to it. In the story, it describes a statue carved of this person,
whose name in the story I can't remember, but it was something like Albert: the
Eternally Surprised, and he was carved in stone with this surprised look on his
face, eyes popping out and jaw dropped. He was eternally surprised because he
realised that any given instant is a brand new one because time is constantly
renewing itself. Each second that passes is completely dead and each second now
is completely different from the last one. As this character was amazed by each
new second, his look of surprise was etched on his face eternally.
One of the things that interests me about
this character is that it could have been so easy for him to be the Eternal
Mourner because he could have mourned the death of each passing second, but he
was more excited about each new second instead. It makes me look at myself and
wonder how much I mourn about the past. By the time you finish reading this
little thought for the day, how many seconds have just died, and are you happy
or content with the present one? I've been asking myself this question all
week.
In an attempt to seize the day and wonder
what I'll have accomplished should God decide to take me home tonight, I find
myself with a growing passion for life and the people and things that make it
worthwhile to be alive. I get the impression that some people are being
startled by it, and I only hope that I'm not scaring anyone from my own
intensity. I could wane with time, but I feel myself to be waxing with its
renewal. It's kind of hard to describe, but seeing as how more than a week has
gone by with no entry, some of you may be wondering where I am or what I'm up
to. I'm thinking. That's what I'm doing--as scary as you may think that is!
8:26 PM | Permalink
January 18
I
went outside last night for the first time in about 4.5 days. I didn't do
anything wild and crazy, just had supper at my dad's place, but it was good to
breathe in some fresh air again. After having laryngitis, everything had to
drain, so my head was quite stuffed up over the weekend. I'm still not fully
recovered right now, but I'm certainly much better than I was.
I've
had the experience before, as I had this time after not going out for a few
days, that I feel a little apprehensive to go outside, especially in chilly
weather. What I don't know is what I'm afraid of, why I should feel any anxiety
over a task that I do almost daily: going outside. Once I'm out, I'm ok, but
it's getting the motivation to face the outside world again that seems to be a
problem.
Yet
the air is so thrilling, like meeting a fulfilling part of your life after not
having been in contact for a while, and if I could dance with the air, I would.
The stars were so brilliant last night as well, as they always are in the
winter. The moon and stars are so much clearer and brighter in the cold beyond.
I love summer moons because they are warm and affectionate, but the winter ones
have an austerity about them, the stars a sense of glamour, that there is
something so attractive about them to me. It's something that doesn't last the
whole year, whereas if you're looking for warmth and affection from celestial bodies,
you can always find it in the sun any day of the year. Such are my musings,
anyways.
Having
stayed at home all this time means that I haven't had anything interesting
going on to talk about really, so I won't bore my readers with any more useless
blathering.
12:39 PM | Permalink
January 10
Not
a long entry today, folks, although it would make sense considering writing is
the best way for me to communicate at the moment. I thought I had a cold coming
on for the last few days, but this morning, I woke up with a plugged throat
instead of a plugged nose, so I realised that I must have developed laryngitis
somehow. Usually I get laryngitis when I'm under a heavy amount of stress, and
I'm lacking sleep, abusing my voice, and the like. But this time, I don't know
what caused it. It's very frustrating. Someone phoned me, and I was barely able
to talk over the phone. If you know any remedies that work to ease the swelling
of the vocal chords, please let me know!
12:04 PM | Permalink
January 02
I'm finally able to add some new photos to my blog
from the farm. I had wanted to put these up back in September when they were
taken, but my mom had a secret plan to compile these and other photos together
in an album for my brother, and I didn't want to give him a hint of what was
coming by posting these before Christmas. It was a long wait! Anyways these are
just pictures of around the farm, walking over the pastures and scenes taken
from the house. The one of the beehive is significant to me, and the reason I
know it's over 25 years old is because I remember throwing rocks at it when I
was about 5, and of course that made the bees mad, and I actually got stung by
one in the forehead. I guess I learned the hard way! And there were always
kittens on the farm, it seemed almost every summer when we went. The kittens in
these photos belong to the neighbours, but they are kittens on the farm
nonetheless! I hope you enjoy them :o)
11:11 PM | Permalink
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